it was a winter night,

cold, lonely, and hungry, 

i lived in an old gargoyle’s basement

in preparation for a hunt

there wasn’t much  

only a small window to tell the time,

the pungent smell of hazelnut brew from upstairs,

mixed with the smell of wet wood

sometimes i’d hear the flakes of snow falling near

falling in rhythm,

soothing my soul.

i decided to lie down in my bed

that night, i craved summer

i clutched the medallion i once wore 

with an iron grip 

and i closed my eyes

“rewind”

“pause”

“play”

“rewind again please”

“repeat”

i’d go through my memories

the good,

the bad,

and the sad.

funny enough, even the worst memories gave me hope

but amongst all,

i found something i never paid much attention to before.

curious, 

i tried rewinding a bit further 

i was back in the middle of summer

a summer, i never appreciated enough

but in that summer,

was a glow i can’t stop thinking about

there was a bright light

right beside me

a pixie? a fairy?

it’s the same thing but

i really can’t say what it is 

i’ve been in the dark for far too long to differentiate life

couldn’t understand why it decided to stick with an idiot like me

i never understood why it even bothered sharing its light to me

but i would be lying if i said that there weren’t nights the light is all i wanted to see

hesitant to admit my gratitude, i would always run away

and every time i did, it chased after me

now that i think of it,

isn’t the sun always shining after a thunderstorm?

but here we were

and then as fall approached

i lost myself

i lost the light too

i pushed the light away

as i embraced the void 

my eyes changed, my mind changed 

and ever since then,

i couldn’t tell if i was stuck in a dream sequence

everything felt numb 

i kept going forward,

not one second looking back

as the land of the empty caressed me into her arms,

the light was nowhere in sight

my medallion started glowing that night

before i knew it,

i was sent to this dream where i saw the light vividly

it wasn’t just the light, 

it was everyone

i realized then that,

i embraced an abyss that meant nothing

and left a world full of warmth

i noticed that the world moved on

and here i was, alone

in the coldest night,

i realized i needed to find summer

it’s been 202 days,

12 hours and 12 minutes 

since i saw that dream,

and have been thinking about the light

nonstop.

on my journey back, 

a wise mage helped me take this parasite off my back

i finally felt better,

but i was still stuck in this dream

and i asked him

“is there any way i can wake up?”

he said to keep moving forward

on my way back, i was injured due to a storm

my horse died in the storm

i buried him right before i passed out of exhaustion

luckily, a group of goblins found me

drenched in mud, with my armor broken

revealing a silver of who i am –

a black knight, in search of the light

they decided to nurse me back to health

before they eventually rob me

pride, it’s funny, right?

deceives you at your most convenient hour

when i saw them bickering, laughing, and mixing whatever concoctions they used on my wounds,

my resolve got stronger to go back to my own guild

they reminded me of them.

the goblins started to appreciate my brooding presence 

eventually, i warmed up to them too

joining in their various endeavors.

i became a considerable commotion in that hill

so the local blacksmith visited me 

he lent me a stallion with a new set of armor.

when i asked why

he didn’t budge to reply

appreciating his gift,

i rode my stallion as i waved goodbye to the goblins

in the very end, they didn’t rob me

their loss right?

i’ll never forget them.

my stallion,

she rode the wind

i never felt this faster in my life,

the night was long and cold,

yet my stallion didn’t hold back

and when the cliffs were in sight

she didn’t fall, she flew right through

it wasn’t just a stallion, but a pegasus

my pegasus i named “euphoria”

eventually, we arrived

home.

i was finally back home.

and i found summer again.

upon my arrival, i noticed how no one in my village recognized me anymore

my eyes permanently stuck in a state of depression, and my face full of scars

yet, my old allies recognized me

my happiness as i saw them well was beyond what i’d expect

leaving euphoria for a second,

i embraced them 

and asked them about the guild

to my misfortune,

the guild was burned to cinders 

my allies were no longer interested in being a part of a guild any longer  

i didn’t want to persuade them

but i decided to stay at the spot of the guild and try rebuilding it

the summer has gotten harsher for me

but thanks to my endurance i can make it work

sometimes it will rain,

or sometimes it will be sunny for far too long

i really felt like it won’t be possible to rebuild a guild that took

6 years to build

but alas, 

i will try to make whatever i can in a month and 8 days

suddenly,

i saw a flash of light coming from behind

i turn back

but there’s no one there

i stand there for a while 

was i imagining things?

my medallion started to heat up

i turn in every direction

east, west, north, south

i run towards the west, my medallion starts to get even warmer

the woods, the very woods i once got lost in with-

i slam into one of the trees but i get back up

the thorns on the ground slicing my feet

i pay no heed to my pain

i have to get there

west, i have to go further towards the west

i manage to get out of the woods 

there i saw it

i saw the light 

its the same as ever but

it’s brighter than ever

with it are the locals of my village 

are they dancing? or is this some ceremony?

either way, they seem to have fun

i stare from afar, hesitant to approach

the light then looks in my direction

i stare at it back

it was a ball of light with wings

a pixie – i recall my memory 

the pixie, however, didn’t seem to recognize me

it then went away with the crowd 

i stood there

until it was evident that the afternoon long passed.

i will not deny, i expected it to come back

but alas, it didn’t

i’m happy that

i got to see her again.

all this time, 

i knew something was missing

but i didn’t realize that it was always this one part of my life

that i ignored

i’m sure i can meet her again

but i do ponder,

would sticking by a fool mean

she’d now stick by an even bigger fool?

i’m cautiously optimistic 

i found my light again,

and i finally feel like i’ve woken up

from this dream that never let me rest

i digress.

as i rebuild the place where it all started,

i want to see her every day

and embrace the light once again.

this time i want to stay as long as you’re here

and once i’m gone, i promise to come back again

i’ll keep trying every day 

to be the one you share your brightest light with again.

next time we meet, 

i hope you’re the one talking this time

what i would do to hear you

for hours again?

my days are numbered here

because summer

ends with you.